


Mommy Loves Me

by andieisawesome2, Miss17Understood



Category: Original Work
Genre: Age Difference, Anal Sex, Androgyny, Angst and Porn, Autoerotic Asphyxiation, Bisexual Male Character, Bondage, Brother/Brother Incest, Brother/Sister Incest, Child Abuse, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Dubious Consent, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Face-Fucking, Female Character With A Penis, Female Characters of Color, Fluff and Angst, Futanari, Futanari On Futanari, Futanari on female, Genderfluid Character, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Incest, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mommy Kink, Mother Complex, Multi, Mutual Masturbation, Other, Pansexual Character, Parent/Child Incest, Past Child Abuse, Past Incest, Past Molestation, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Suicide Attempt, Past Violence, Physical Abuse, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Sexual Violence, Sister/Sister Incest, Spanking, Suicide mention, Teen Angst, Trans Female on Trans Male, Trans Male Character, Trans Male on Trans Male, Verbal Abuse, Verbal Humiliation, Violence, a lot of this shit is fucked, i am so sorry for this sin, there's a lot of feelings in this, theres a lot of emotional moments tbh, theres a lot of triggers in here be warned, you might hate a few characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-11 00:01:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3308093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andieisawesome2/pseuds/andieisawesome2, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss17Understood/pseuds/Miss17Understood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My name is Angel and I’m 16 years old. I'm a good girl and my mommy loves me. So she hits me.</p><p>1/29/16: Currently working on character developments. Stay tuned!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Love Mommy

**Author's Note:**

> First work here yay! But on a side note, I've had this in my mind for a while but didn't know which fandom I should write it for so I decided to go with an original work. Enjoy!
> 
> Edit as of 3/2/15: I'm currently working on chapter 2 and it'll be up soon!  
> Edit as of 11/2/16: Currently making slight plot changes here and there, chapter 6 should be finished soon.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse into a day in the life of Angel Madison-Harris.

        My name is Angel and I’m currently 16 years old. I’m short, chubby, with medium brown skin and long black pigtails held in place with pink ribbons. I normally wear mid-thigh length skirts, knee- highs, and long sleeve blouses both to school and around the house because well, I think I look cute in them even though my mother calls me a whore for wearing what I want. I was a good girl. I rarely gave my mother any trouble, or at least I thought I didn't. There were few things my mom gave me grief about. My weight, my grades, the way I dress, my “attitude”. Simple things. I would pretend like they didn't bother me when they really did. After my mom would be done yelling at me I would solemnly go back up to my room and shut the door. I hated being yelled at by my mom, it made me upset with myself and make me feel like pure shit. I used to cut into the palms of my hands afterwards but that ended when she walked in on me doing it once and yelled at me for it. Since I can’t cut anymore I’ve resorted to choking myself after my mother yells at me or says something that hurts. I love choking myself, it makes me happy.

       It was just my mom and I living together in the house since she divorced my dad and let him take my twin brother, Angelo with him when we were around 13. You’d think we’d be close right? Wrong. We were never close. I’ve always stayed in my room by myself ever since I can remember. She never really paid attention to me, but when she did it was always for “being a shitty daughter”, to quote my mother. Whenever my mom would yell at me, in the back of my mind I’d be satisfied with the attention she’d give me, even if it was the wrong kind of attention. I didn't care if it was the wrong kind of attention or not, I loved it. It turned me on to feel shitty about myself, and turned me on further to choke myself after being yelled at. I didn't think it was weird at first that I wanted to be yelled at by my mother. I only found it strange when I was turned on by the thought of my mother beating me. My mother never hugged me or anything as a kid, even now she still doesn't. I just want her to touch me to make me feel good, that’s all I want.

      My mother is taller than me by a long shot, standing at around 6'4". Her figure is something that most of the women and wives in the neighbor hood rave over while their husbands lust over it. She took track in her high school years leaving her with the legs you would imagine a runner of her stature to have. Her breasts are more of the things of fantasy, still being able to obey the laws of gravity and best viewed during the summer in a swimsuit... My mother has long black hair like mine, the only difference being that my mother constantly kept her hair curled so it bounced whenever she took a step. My mother is mixed with Swedish and black leaving her pretty damn light skinned, almost mistaken for white often times as well. She also has green eyes and freckles dotting her face right underneath her eyes, giving her an almost harmless look to her. However, don't let that fool you. She has the power of a weightlifter and hits like a freight train at full speed that's going down a mountain. As far as I know my mother has two siblings. Giovanna and Joseph. Giovanna is older than my mother by 5 years and Joseph is younger than my mother by 6 years. My mom doesn't talk about Giovanna much but she does tell me I look a lot like her. Which doesn't seem to be a good thing...

      I was sitting on the couch in the living room a few days ago after getting home from school, still in my school outfit when my mom came home from work. It was already 6 and I knew I was going to be in trouble for not having my homework done yet, but I didn't care. 

 _“Angel! Why the fuck are you sitting on your fat ass doing nothing instead of doing your homework?!”_ My mother yelled as she angrily slammed the door behind herself. She stomped towards the couch where I was sitting, and texting some of my friends. She immediately grabbed me by my pigtails, making me stand up to face her. 

 _“Why aren't you sitting at that living room table doing your homework you pig?”_  She was so close I could feel her breath on my ear, making me shudder. 

I could see the pure rage built up in my mother’s eyes and I loved it. It turned me on not knowing what punishment my mother could inflict on me now. I was hoping she would pin me to the wall and pull down my skirt, spanking me with her bare hands like she did last week.

 _“I’m sorry mom, I really am I’ll do my homework right now if you let me go. Please let me go…”_ I squirm and try to pull away only making her twist my pigtails in her hands, pulling my hair harder. I let out a moan of both pain and pleasure as she tugs on my pigtails. 

 _“Damn right you’ll do your homework right now or else your ass will have hell to pay if I get my hands on you now!”_ My mother tosses me into one of the nearby walls harder than usual and I start crying from the initial impact of my head hitting the wall’s molding first, rather than my back.

      Normally I’d end up with just a knot on the back of my head but this time, there was blood. Not much that would me panic, but it was enough to make my mother panic. A worried look flashed over my mother’s face, but only for a moment before turning into panic. This wasn’t the first time I’ve hit my head because of my mother, it was the 3rd time it happened. She quickly ran to the bathroom, getting the gauze and aspirin among other things. The emotional adrenaline was starting to wear off and the pain I felt in the back of my head was enough make me want to throw myself off of a cliff in hopes of ending the unbearable throbbing in the back of my skull. Knowing I couldn't handle pain like this from the last two times this has happened, I knew I was probably going to pass out soon. I tried to fight my body’s will to shut down in order to prevent me from going into shock, but I failed. The last thing I heard before I passed out was my mother’s panicked muttering.


	2. Touch Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel encounters her mother in the bathroom after the incident. Will she get the affection from her mother she's been wanting for so long? Or will there be something more?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 kudos and over 1000 views later I finally put up the 2nd chapter! I'm honestly surprised I got this many kudos and views already so I'd like to thank everybody who read this, you guys are awesome!

         I wake up a few hours later in my mother’s bed, considering it was on the first floor unlike my room which was on the second floor. I’m stripped down to the white bra and panties I was wearing underneath my school outfit from earlier today. I sit up slowly in the large, but dark room and looked around for my mother. The only light that was in the room is a small sliver of yellow emanating from the partially closed bathroom door. I’m curious what my mother is doing so I get up and tip-toe quietly to the door, peeking in just enough so that she can’t see me but I can see what she’s doing. My mother is sitting on the edge of the bathtub in nothing but a black bra with her panties on the floor and something between her legs I’ve never seen before. A cock. It looks to be about 9 inches in length and around 7 inches around with a fat, pink head on it accompanied by veins all along the length as well as large, round balls underneath her cock. I tilt my head further into the crack of the door to see more of the bathroom, but I slip and fall face first onto the tile floor. I slowly look up to see my mother towering over me with a disapproving look on her face.

 _“I thought I taught you better than to intrude on other people’s privacy, but I guess you just didn’t learn.”_ My mind screams to scramble and get up from the floor, escaping from the bathroom but I lay there on the floor face down with my ass in the air. I think to myself this is the perfect time for her to fuck me, to touch me, to do anything to me. I just need her to touch me. I need her.

 _“M-mommy, I’m sorry for interrupting you. I’ll leave now and go to my room.”_ I look up at her with puppy dog eyes from behind my glasses as I get up and head to the bathroom door. Just before I can leave the bathroom, my mother grabs me by the waist and presses herself against me. I feel her thick cock pressed against my ass, making me feel it throb. My mother brings her face to my ear, her slow and heavy breathing sending shivers through my body. I shift in her grip as I feel my cunt starting to get wet.

 _“You’re not leaving until you’re properly punished, Angel.”_ She pulls away from me for a few seconds, only to push the door closed and slam me against it. She pushes her cock between my thighs and against my wetting cunt. She slowly thrusts, the tip of her cock continually rubbing against my clit and making me close my thighs tighter together.

 _“You should know better than to walk in on somebody when they’re in the bathroom, Angel. How would you feel if I walked in on you fingering yourself? That’s right, I’ve seen you do it you fucking whore.”_ She gathers my twin tails in one of her hands and pulls on them gently. I feel her cock twitch and throb against my clit and I moan softly as she gropes and rubs my breasts through my bra.

 _ **“** Mommy, I-I’m sorry I walked in on you, I promise never to do it again.” _I shift my hips as my mother thrusts faster between my thighs and rubbing against my clit, making me almost dripping wet. I feel her member twitch a few times before she cums on the door between my thighs.

 _ **“** You better not walk in on me again or I will rip that pretty little ass of yours wide open.” _She grinds her softening cock against my wet panties, making me whine. I’m disappointed that she came so fast, I wanted more. I look behind me to see my mother pulling out from between my thighs and stuffing her half-hard cock back in her black panties.

      _“Now get your fat ass out of here before I pound into you so hard you won’t be able to walk for a week.”_ My mother opens the bathroom door and pushes me out of it as fast as I can, making me trip and land on my face on the cool carpet of her dark bedroom. I get up from the floor and sit on the edge of my mother’s bed, holding one of her pillows close to me and inhaling her sweet scent of lavender and strawberries. I feel myself start to sob as I get the familiar feeling of yearning in my stomach. I yearn for my mother to comfort me by kissing my lips softly while cupping my face gently and telling me that everything is going to be alright. I just want my mother to love me the way a mother should. My sobs get louder the more I think of my mother actually loving me sweetly, but I know better than to stick around in her room too much longer so I leave.

      I make my way back to my bedroom with my mother’s pillow in tow, still sobbing in want. I close the bedroom door behind me, throwing the pillow onto my bed and searching through my dresser for some pajamas to put on. I find a black t-shirt to put on to go with some gold and black basketball shorts and I sit on my bed with my laptop. I get a skype notification from my internet friend Tré asking me if I’m home from school yet.

 **Tré the based nerd:** yo angel you home from school yet? cause I got something to ask you bro

 **big ang the based qween:** yeah, I’ve been home for a while tbh because I got yelled at by my mom again… you know how that goes tré.

 **Tré the based nerd:** dude are you okay? what did she do to you this time did she hurt you?

 **big ang the based qween:** tré its nothing alright it’s the same as always. She yells at me and kicks my ass that’s it.

 **Tré the based nerd:** ang I know that’s not what happened come on tell me the truth.

 **big ang the based qween:** no

 **Tré the based nerd:** come on ang, I just need to know if you’re okay or not

 **big ang the based qween:** …fine okay I’ll tell you. My mom well…she kind of…busted some of the skin on the back of my head open sort of X(

 **Tré the based nerd:** I fucking knew she did something to you to hurt you again

 **big ang the based qween:** I’m sorry dude I didn’t want to tell you this either but, something else happened with me and my mom

 **big ang the based qween:** she groped me in the bathroom

 **big ang the based qween:** and fucked my thighs with her cock that I didn’t know she had until today

 **big ang the based qween:** I’m happy that she finally touched me in the way that I wanted but

 **big ang the based qween:** it was so wrong

 **big ang the based qween:** but it felt so right

 **big ang the based qween:** god I’m fucked up tré help me

 **Tré the based nerd:** ang, I know you have a mommy kink and all but shit dude you’re literally screwed 

     I hear a loud banging at my bedroom door and I quickly check the clock to see it’s already midnight, which is about an hour past the time I’m supposed to be asleep. I quickly message Tré that my mother is at my door and that I have to go before I turn off my laptop. I dive under the lavender colored covers of my bed just as my mother walks in. I lay there and pretend I’m sleeping until I hear something that peaks my curiosity. A drawer opening.

 _“Where are her black panties with the pink bows on them? I could have sworn they were in here… There they are!”_ I hear my mom rifle through the drawer for a few minutes before stopping and closing the drawer. My mother walks out of my room with a click of the door closing, leaving me in the darkness to fall asleep.


	3. The Weekend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel's mother, Angie is going away for a month but Angel wants to resolve the incident between the both of them before her mother leaves. Will Angel forgive her mother or will Angie do something unspeakable to Angel? Find out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took forever to write this chapter because I didn't have to time to actually write it, but now it's finished! I hope its as good as the last 2 chapters went. Also, thanks for 49 kudos and over 3000 views ^_^!
> 
> EDITED AS OF 11/6/16

                I wake up at around 5 in the morning this Saturday to the sound of my mother talking on the phone as she paces the hallway. It’s been at least a month since the incident in the bathroom and the house has been peaceful in that time considering my mother keeps avoiding me. You would think I'd be avoiding her all this time but, no she's been avoiding me. I sit up in my bed for a few minutes, listening to my mother rant over the phone to somebody. I get up quietly and listen in on my mother’s conversation through the crack of my bedroom door.

               _“Jay, I know this is sudden but could you let Angel stay with you for the weekend? I don’t want her to get lonely or anything while I’m in Japan for the month.”_ There’s a pause and my mother huffs in frustration.

              _“Look, my brother Joseph is busy for the month so he won't be able to keep her. You know what Jay, I-I’ll call you later to talk about this.”_ My mother hangs up her phone and leans against the wall across the hall from my room. I hesitate before doing anything else and decide to just go back to bed so I walk away from my bedroom door and close it. I look at my computer desk to see my phone light up with my brother Angelo's picture on the screen. I go over and pick it up, knowing he'll ask me what's wrong.

 _“It’s about time you picked up! I’ve been waiting forever to talk to you, I've been worried sick about you!”_  Angelo's voice is riddled with worry as he prods at what's happened since the last time I've talked to him. 

 _“So, what’s been happening with you and mom?”_ He asks cautiously, knowing that her and I don't have the best relationship with each other. 

 _“Well, not much has been happening I guess.”_ I shrug, crawling into my bed and assuring Angelo that I'm alright before he finally hangs up.

           I quickly fall asleep only to be woken up at 7 by the mewing and hissing of the feral cats that hang around my bedroom window. They continue to meow before I finally get up out of bed and walk into the hallway to get away from the noise. I get into the hallway and I hear a familiar thumping coming from my mother’s room a whole floor below me. I start walking down the hallway towards the staircase that leads down to my mother’s room and I freeze when I hear a whole new sound. A grunt. I quickly but quietly go down the stairs only to stop just inches from my mother’s bedroom door, hesitating.

          Behind my mother’s bedroom door all I can hear are thumps, groans, moans, and grunts. I put my hand on the door handle and to my surprise, the door opens slightly. I scramble for the hallway to the left of my mother’s room and hide there as my mother pokes her head out from her doorway. I wait for a few seconds before walking out of the hallway and going back to my mother’s bedroom door and looking inside her room. What I see through the crack of the door shocks me. I see my own mother sitting in her chair at her computer desk, masturbating. In her left hand is her thick cock and in her other hand is a pair of my panties, help up to her nose. I watch as she takes a deep breath, sniffing my panties as she strokes her member a bit faster. I listen intently as my mother’s grunts and cruses under her breath fills the air, accompanied the slight slapping of her heavy balls against her thighs. I continue to watch my mother pump her cock, letting my own hands wander into my panties and fingering myself. Just as my mother is about to cum, I make the mistake of letting a moan slip through my lips, causing my mother turn around in her chair and walk to the door. I try to make a break for it, only to be caught within my mother’s grasp on the back of my t-shirt.

 _“Oh, naughty little Angel. I thought what happened yesterday would have taught you not to interrupt your mother’s personal time, but it seems your dumb-ass just can’t learn.”_ She tries to pull me into her room and I let myself be pulled into her room. My mother manages to quickly shut the door and pin me against it, making me face her.

 _“Mommy, I didn’t mean to intrude but I was curious is all… I was just wondering what all the noise was up here when I woke up.”_ I look up at her innocently and I see a flicker of guilt in my mother’s eyes, showing me she’s still got rational thoughts left. I can tell she decides against doing what she was originally going to do to me as she lets go of the front of my t-shirt.

 _“You know what Angel, I’m going to let you do but don’t you fucking interrupt me while I have my personal time. Now get out of my sight before I do something I regret.”_ She goes back and sits down in her computer chair as I quietly leave her room.

          I go back up to my room, and sit on my bed only to think about the sights I was from the crack of my mother’s bedroom door. I can feel myself getting wet again as I think of my mother slowly pushing me down to my knees, still pinned between her and the bedroom door. My hands wander down into my panties and I start fingering myself slowly, imagining her shoving her member down my throat and fucking it roughly. After a few minutes of fingering myself, I figure it’s time to put the dildo I bought to good use. I look in my bedside table and find the stainless steel, 8 inches long and 5 inches in girth, dildo. I sit up against my headboard and kick off my panties and shorts, quickly shoving the dildo inside of myself. I start fucking myself as fast as my arms will allow as I get lost in my thoughts of my mother having me bent over on all fours on her bed, her hands spreading my legs apart enough to where she can fuck me. I hear something from outside my bedroom door but I choose to ignore it, fucking myself a bit harder than before. I can feel my all too soon orgasm sneak up on me and I end up nearly screaming as waves of pleasure roll through my body. My thighs twitch as I start coming down from my intense orgasm. I pull my panties and shorts back up onto my hips and get off my bed to see if Leon is anywhere in the house. On the doorknob of my bedroom door is my missing black pair of panties with globs of cum in them. It’s time I confront my mother again.


	4. Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel is ready to confront her mother about the situation at hand, but Angie has other plans for Angel...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S FINALLY DONE!  
> It took a while to even get this chapter started actually. I stayed up until almost 2am trying to finish this a few days ago thanks to a burst of motivation. This might not be the best chapter though because I finished it so late...but thanks to everyone who read this and enjoyed this fucked up story, yall are the best.

       I walk downstairs to my mother’s room with the pair of cum stained panties in hand. I’m fueled by a fire of anger, lust, and anticipation. I was going to confront my mother with this information in hopes of getting some answers. Maybe I could even blackmail her to get what I finally want, her attention. I walk slowly down the hallway to her room and with each step I take I can feel my nerves starting to fade away. I’m shaking by the time I get to her door and in the back of my mind I’m thinking I should go back to my room and wait until my mother leaves for the airport later today. I raise my shaking fist slowly and just as I was about to knock, my mother opened the door.

      She looked as if she were expecting me to be there at any moment due to the expression on her face. She towers over me, dressed in a men’s business suit and a dress shirt that’s buttoned down to show a little bit of her ample cleavage. Her black tie is tied loosely around the collar of her red dress shirt, making an oddly sexy addition to her. Her hair is a bit ruffled, looking as if she has a serious case of bedhead. I can also see a slight bulge in the left pants leg of her suit pants, making me wonder what she was doing before I came here. My jaw drops as I take in the amazing sight before me, rendering me almost not being able to speak.

      _“What do you want Angel?”_ My mother sneers at me as I fumble with the forgotten pair of panties in my hands.

      My mind races a mile a minute, all of my bravery quickly leaving me as I try to come up with an answer for my mother. My legs tremble as I finally gather up the last bit of bravery to talk to her.

      _“W-well, I came here to talk to you about something if you have time…”_ A smirk flashes across my mother’s face as she leans against the doorway.

      _“Hm, you seems serious about this, Angel. How amusing considering you’re almost never serious about something unless it’s your little cartoons. Go sit on my bed and I’ll be right there.”_ I walk into my mother’s large room, glancing around and then taking a seat on the foot of her bed. My mother closes the door behind her, locking the handle as she turns away as well. She takes a seat in her desk chair, turning around in it to face me.

      _“So, you had something to talk to me about Angel?”_ My mother says in a bored tone, while crossing her legs and leaning in a bit to talk to me. I shakily hold up the stained pair of panties as my mind struggles to find the right words to say. My mother raises an eyebrow at my stammering as annoyance starts to rise in her face, startling me into being quiet.

        _“M-mother, I know these are mine but I was wondering why they were on my doorknob this morning…”_ She sighs, rubbing her temples as she stands up. She smirks down at me, gripping my chin in her fingers as a flash of sinfulness rolls through her eyes like lightning. My heart thumps in my chest as feelings of dread and desire mix together and flow through me.

         _“Oh, only if you knew my true intentions my dear Angel…”_ My mother leans in and kisses me passionately, leaving me confused, surprised and turned on all at once. Different questions run through my mind at a mile a minute, making me actually think about what I’m about is horribly wrong in the eyes of many. A voice in the back of my head screams at me not to follow through with what my mother is planning to do to me and I decide against giving into my mother. I quickly push my mother off of me, red flags going up in my head telling me I shouldn’t have done that either. Now I’m wondering whether or not to tell her to stop or to keep going for the simple fact that I’ll probably never get this type of attention from her again.

          I look into my mother’s bright brown eyes to see pure lust and adoration but with a sinister ambition behind them. She grips her hands in mine, pressing her body against me and slowly pushing me down onto her bed. Before I can ever register what she’s doing, she’s already kissing my neck passionately like if she were my lover instead of my abusive mother. I’m confused by her change in personality and I’m angered by it, but at the same time it’s what I’ve been asking for from her all these years.

         My mother raises her torso from mine, leaving my legs wrapped around her waist as she towers over me. She smiles softly at me as she reaches a hand to let her sharp fingernails glide over my cheeks, making me flinch. She takes my chin in her fingers again, gripping softly as her fingernails ghost along my throat. My mother grips my throat, choking me and forcing a short lived moan of pleasure from my lips. She smirks as she grips my throat a bit harder, making me moan louder and squirm as I try to break free of her hand.

 _“You actually thought I was going to be gentle didn’t you Angel? Hm, that just shows how naïve you truly are baby girl.”_ My eyes widen, only being able to muster another soft moan as she continues to choke me.

          She gives my throat one last squeeze before she goes to take off her tie, tying it around my wrists and rendering me unable to move my arms very well. My mother grabs hold of my pigtails, wrapping them around her hand and pulling on them like she normally does. She keeps pulling on them until I sit up, the height difference between us extremely evident considering my current position letting her have easy access to my mouth. I keep my eyes locked on her’s, afraid of what she’s going to do to me next. My mother manages to pull down the zipper of her pants with one hand, pulling out her half erect cock as well. I let out a squeak as she lightly slaps it on my cheek, chuckling as she does so.

 _“You’re surprised it’s this big up close aren’t you? I don’t know why you’re being so shy now, I’ve seen you practice this on your dildo so put those skills to work Angel.”_ She presses her throbbing cock head against my lips, making me suck on it slightly.

          My mother sighs softly as she pushes more of her hardening member past my lips and into my mouth. I moan softly despite my best efforts not to, enthusiastically sucking my mother’s cock just to please her. She tugs on my pigtails again, pushing her member further into my mouth as it hits the back of my throat. I squirm under her grip, trying to pull myself away from her before she pushes her entire length down my throat. She growls beastly as I gag and choke, trying my best not to vomit as she starts to fuck my throat. She thrusts slowly at first, giving me a chance to adjust to having her 9 inch cock stuffed down my throat. My mother takes note of my squirming and pulls her cock out of my throat, making me gasp and sputter for air.

 _“You really can’t take that much down your throat can’t you Angel? How pathetic really. Stand up for me baby girl.”_ I hesitate at first, unsure of what my mother is going to do to me if I do stand up.

          She pulls on my pigtails again which causes me to cringe, making me stand up in fear of if she’ll do anything worse to me. My mother lets go of my pigtails and uses her hands to pull down my shorts, exposing my dripping cunt to her. I don’t even get a chance to see her face before I’m bent over her bed with her fingers deep inside of me. I squeal and moan as she pumps her fingers deep inside of me, bringing me to a very premature orgasm.

 _“You don’t last very long either I see…”_ I freeze as my mother puts her hands on my ass, gripping it and groping it. She rubs her cock against my cunt, coating it in my juices.

          My mother presses the tip of her cock against my entrance, making me tense up and squirm underneath her. She leans against me, kissing my neck and caressing my face gently as she pulls away from me. She presses the head of her dick against my asshole, making me panic.

 _“M-mommy, I haven’t had anything up there yet why are you doing this?”_ I look back at her with a concerned look on my face, almost pleading with her not to do it.

 _“I figured I’d let your little friend Tre’ have a go at that little pussy of yours since you care about him so much…”_ My mother pulls back and presses the head of her cock into my ass, making me moan in pain as her dick stretches me.

        She pushes about half of her dick inside of me as she hits a spot inside of me, making me moan loudly. I gasp and arch my back, pressing back against her as more of her cock slips inside of me and stretches me. She bottoms out inside of me as I feel her throbbing member move inside of me, her hips slapping against my ass. She takes no time in pounding me, scratching and slapping my ass as it bounces and jiggles against her.

 _“Who knew my own daughter would have the fattest ass on the block. I’m surprised none of the wives here have gone after you yet. Hell, I’m surprised you haven’t been slutting around the neighborhood with this ass of your baby girl.”_ She takes liberty in fucking me as fast and as hard as she can, making me gasp and moan as I squirm under her.

        I bounce on my mother’s cock as she fucks me, surges of pleasure running through my veins and making me go limp a few times. My mother grunts and growls like a beast as she pounds away at my ass, her orgasm quickly approaching from what I can tell. She reaches out and pulls on my pigtails again, keeping me close to her as she fucks my ass to her heart’s content. Her grip on my ass starts to tighten as her thrusts become more frantic and sloppy, her member twitching inside of me as I feel her tense up. My mother thrusts a few more times before I feel her pull out of me, letting her thick ropes of cum splatter against my ass. She lets go of my ass and unties my wrists, pulling me to my feet by my pigtails. I quickly pull up my shorts onto my hips, fidgeting with the hem of my t-shirt waiting for my mother to say something.

 _“Get out of my sight. Now.”_ Her tone is grave and very serious, much like how she gets when she’s angry. I scramble out of her room and run back to my bedroom with tears streaming down my face.

      I sit on the far corner of my bed, my sobbing waking up one of the cats that managed to get in the house and curl up under my computer desk. The ash grey cat cautiously walks over to my bed, jumping onto it and curling up in my lap. It paws at my stomach, making me look at it with red eyes. The cat looks apologetic and nuzzles me, making me feel slightly better about myself. My phone screen lights up with a picture of my brother again, letting me know that he's calling me. I pick up the phone and hear the concern in his voice on the other end.

 _“Angel, I know this isn’t the best time but to be fair… I feel like something happened between you and mom again. I think you should talk to Tre’ about this before you bottle it up like you normally do.”_  Angelo sighs and hangs up the phone. 

       I reach down and grab ash grey cat, holding it close as I scroll through my notifications. It’s filled with messages from Tre’, worried my mother did something to me again. I sigh and open my messages, quickly texting him that my mother did something today but it’s not that bad. I wait a few minutes before he responds again, not believing what I’m saying.

 **Tre’ the based nerd** : angel you know I can tell when you’re lying. You don’t use emojis when you’re lying babe

       I giggle at his accusation, lightening my mood a little bit. I decide to text him back that I’m okay and I just need a little bit of sleep before my mom ships me off to lord knows where later on today before she goes off to Japan. I put my phone on my bedside table, holding the feral cat in my arms before setting him down and going to sleep.


	5. Angie's Flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angie sits on her bed, half dressed and wallowing in shame after the despicable act she just committed against her own daughter. Memories swirl around her mind as she remembers the incident that changed her as a person forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 10,000 hits, 148 kudos, 5 comments and 6,048 words later here is the 5th chapter! I've taken the time over the summer and christmas to create new characters and backgrounds for upcoming chapters. This is going to turn out more of an entire story rather than just sex everywhere like I thought it was going to be. This chapter goes a little bit in depth about Angel's mother, Angie, and why she's the way she is. It's a darker chapter that I was intending to write for a while now but I couldn't due to school being right around the corner and writer's block ||||D. Anyways!
> 
> Enjoy, you crazy kids!

          I remembered the day that Giovanna first laid her hands on me like no sister ever should. I will say, I made that same mistake today with my daughter Angel. I’m not even going to try and lie to myself because what I did to her was wrong. I kissed her. I made her suck my cock. I fucked her in the ass. No, I raped her. I raped my own daughter. I don’t even have an excuse for why I did it except maybe for the fact that Angel looks so much like Giovanna at times. Giovanna is taller than me. Standing at 6’7” to be exact. She has almost the same exact body type as I do, with wider hips being an exception. She had a bigger dick than mine if I remember right too… Her skin tone is a bit darker than mine, still being lightskin though. Her hair is longer than mine, going past her ass the last time I saw her. She has eyes like mine, just hazel. I’ll never forgive my older sister for what she did to me all those years ago when I was 15. It was June 26th, 1994 and I had just gotten out of school for summer break.

* * *

  
       

 _“I hate you Giovanna! I hope you go fucking die because you always ruin my life! Why did you mess around with her?! I hate you!”_ I screamed at the top of her lungs as I kicked my bedroom door shut.

        Giovanna had come back home to the Bronx from college upstate for the summer to look after Joseph and I while our parents are overseas in Sweden for vacation. As to be expected, Giovanna and I started fighting like and other siblings would. Through my life, I’ve always been compared to my older sister Giovanna in almost every aspect. Especially in high school. Once I had started high school, the topic of sex had started becoming familiar to me due to my friends always prying about what lied below my waist. Then came crushes left and right for me. None of them showed interest until almost the end of my Sophomore year of high school. I had dated the girl for almost 4 months until Giovanna broke us up by fucking her.  
  
        Giovanna followed right behind me, kicking down my bedroom door with her muscular legs. _“Hate me all you want Angie. It’s not my fault your little girlfriend saw my cock and got curious!”_ Giovanna grabbed me by my shoulder, pushing me into the hallway.  
  
I hit my head on Giovanna’s bedroom door, the solid oak making it sound like my head was hollow. I was in a daze from the pain, only conscious enough to realize my older sister had already opened and shut her bedroom door.  
  
        _“Besides, you know I like my girls a little young Angie…”_ Giovanna kisses me down my neck while pushing me down onto her bed. My cock starts to twitch as she kisses my neck and I start pushing her away. I struggle against her body weight, my head pounding in pain with every beat of my heart. I power through the pain and try to push her off of me, only for her to press herself against me more. The more I struggle, the more she kisses my neck and the harder my cock gets.  
  
       _“Stop it Giovanna!”_ I attempt to say, only for it to come out as a series of pained moans.  I squirm underneath her as she bites my neck, a new pain shooting through my body. She pulls away from me and looks down at me with a predatory smirk.  
  
         _“I said I like my girls young, did I not?”_ She whispers in a menacing tone as she moves a hand down my body. For the first time in a long time, I start crying. Bawling like a baby. I beg her not to do it only to be slapped across the face by her.  
  
          _“I didn’t say you would be exception to the fact I like my girls young. Hell, you’re the reason why I do Angie. Now, if you would stop struggling we won’t wake up Josephina from her nap.”_ Giovanna pulls down my basketball shorts to reveal my throbbing cock. I know what my sister is capable of and I don’t dare to move a muscle out of fear of what she’ll do to me. Giovanna lets out a short lived snort at the sight of my member, telling me she’s seen bigger. From what I know, mine is bigger than the average man’s cock by about 2 inches.    
  
      _“You call this a cock?! No wonder your girlfriend cheated on you with me. And you like to think you could be a top with this pathetic 7 incher? You’re about to learn your place today little sis.”_ Giovanna flips me onto my stomach, leaving my ass to be in the air. She lifts up my fairly heavy balls to reveal my cunt underneath them. She pushes a finger past my slick folds and probes my inner walls, pushing in a second finger to stretch me. I groan in pain as she forces in a third finger to further stretch my walls.  
  
The pain of hitting my head against that god forsaken door earlier intensifies as my body tries to cope with the burning pain of my older sister forcing her fingers inside of me. With a sickening slurp, Giovanna takes her fingers out of me. She pulls on my long ponytail and forces me up onto my hands and knees, pushing her fingers into my mouth and muttering one word.  
  
_“Suck.”_ Giovanna says in a demanding tone as she pushes her fingers further into my mouth. I continue to cry, but I sucked on her fingers reluctantly. Once she was satisfied with my work she let go of my hair and pulled her fingers out of my mouth, pushing me back onto my stomach with my ass in the air. I hear something unzip from behind me but I don’t bother to look back considering I already have a pretty good idea as to what it is. I feel something heavy and warm slap against my ass, catching my attention unfortunately.  
  
      _“This right here, is what a real futa’s cock is supposed to be like. Not like that tiny dicklet between your legs Angie.”_ I look behind me to she my older sister’s massive 9 inch cock wedged between my thick ass cheeks and leaking pre-cum.  
  
        _“Now, if you want to keep your little girlfriend and your pride I suggest you let me do what I need to do.”_ She lifts up my balls again, pressing her cock against my wet cunt and I tense up as a feeble attempt to keep her from slipping inside of me.  
  
         I wasn’t ready for her thick, long member to stretch and break me. But for the love of everything, my pride, Jojo’s innocence, and so hopefully Giovanna doesn't terrorize me anymore, I give up and lay there and take it. If there’s something I’ve learned in my years arguing and fist fighting with Giovanna is that the more I focused on my emotions the more she could pick out my weak spots and break me. In this case the more I react, the more she gets off. Although, acting cold and distant is in my disposition so that won’t be a problem.  
  
         I wince a little bit as my older sister presses the head of her fat cock against my entrance, stretching it as she forces more and more of herself inside of me. Giovanna pulls away for a few seconds before ramming her dick inside of me, making me let out a short lived scream of pain and agony. I quickly silence myself as I remember that my little sister Jojo is still in the house and could walk in at any point in time. My older sister continues to pound away at my tight hole, lighting every nerve in my body on fire as pain rockets through them. Giovanna did more than just stretch me, she destroyed me. I try not to scream and cry as she pounds away in delight, whispering that this is what sisters do and that she did this because she loved me.  
  
         I grip the bedsheets below me and tears stream down my face as I struggle to stay conscious, all of my nerves screaming at me to pass out in order to not endure the trauma anymore. She grips my hips harder, telling me she’s probably not going to last any longer. I feel as if I’m going to throw up, the thought of my older sister cumming inside of me making my stomach churn. I let out a strangled cry of agony as Giovanna lets her load loose inside of me, the lot of it spilling out of my used cunt. She pulls out after a few seconds with a disgusting plop and slaps my ass, making me moan in pain.  
  
        _“You’re not half bad little sis. While you wouldn’t make a good top, you'd make a good bottom. Now, don’t you dare tell mom and dad about this when they get back or else this will happen everytime I come back.”_ She grips my throat as she threatens me, only letting go when I nod. She walks out of her room and I’m left there in her sheets, bleeding and oozing warm cum all from the same place. I lay there motionless and lost on what to do. So I cry. I lay there and I cry. I cry until the sun goes down. I cry myself to sleep in my bed. I cry in the morning when I wake up as the memories come back to me. I cry.  
  
        I cried until it turned into anger. I cried until anger turned into indifference. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. Even now in the aftermath of what I’ve done to my daughter Angel, I cry. The memories never went away. I thought I would never have to face those demons again. I thought I would never be able to pull off something like Giovanna did that day. I never would have thought my first born child would look so much like the sister who hurt me all those years ago. I never would have thought that could be an underlying reason as to why I treat Angel like I do. I hope Angel doesn’t go through the same thing I had to.


	6. 4th of July With The Madison Family & Co.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angie is in charge of hosting the 4th of July celebration like normal, but this year it's a little more crowded than normal. SFW filler chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, this isn't chapter 6 but I'm still trying to get that written up and edited alongside some new characters and such. So enjoy!

**Angie’s POV**

 

       It’s currently 8AM on the 4th of July here in the states and as per usual, I’m the one that’s hosting the cookout for the family but with a few changes from last year. Angel managed to convince me to let her internet friends stay out here in New York for a few weeks this summer, and since I have to set up the backyard I can’t do it so my older sister Giovanna is coming around to pick up Angel and take her to the airport with her. I also convinced my ex-husband, James to come out here too with Angel's twin brother Angelo so the two can see each other before the school year starts up. I get out of bed and take a shower, getting dressed in a pair of white shorts and an american flag tank top. I go and check on Angel in her room to make sure she’s at least awake so I can call Giovanna to come pick up her niece. Much to my surprise Angel is awake and dressed already, sitting at her computer desk while on her phone.

 _“Did you call Giovanna already, Angel?”_ I ask her, making her jump in surprise.

 _“Y-yeah, I called her a few minutes ago. She said she’ll be here in 30 minutes to an hour.”_ Angel glances back at her phone screen and squeals happily, making me cringe at how high pitched her voice can be at times.

 _“Let me guess, Tré and his friends already landed?”_ I ask, groaning at the fact that I now have to work around 5 different kids.

 _“Yeah! I can’t wait to see them!”_ Angel get up from her computer chair and rushes past me, presumably going downstairs to wait for my older sister to pick her up.

* * *

 

       About an hour or two goes by until Angel, Angelo, their father and Angel's friends get to the house, Giovanna following not too far behind them with an armful of bottles of promethazine codeine in tow. Giovanna is quite a few years older than me and I would have expected her to stop partying as much as she does, but I guess not. She goes in for a kiss on my cheek like she always tries to do when I see her and as per usual I punch her in the dick. Giovanna falters for a second and grunts softly.

 _“Good one sis. Nice to see you too.”_ She recovers, although she walks away towards the kitchen with a limp.

      I hear something crash down the hall from the living room and I turn around to yell at whoever dropped my vase but much to my surprise there’s a pair of twin boys towering over me, looking apologetic with their heads hanging low. The both of them have to be somewhere close to 7 feet tall and over 18 years old. The twin on the right shakes his long, dark brown hair out of his face and opens his mouth to speak. 

 _“Sorry miss Madison, it was our fault.”_ His voice is low in pitch and gravely with a soft tone to it, almost ghostly. When he speaks its as if he’s not just speaking, but the both of them are almost as if there’s an echo in the room despite being furnished from floor to ceiling. 

      I’m stunned not only by the eerie vibe the twins are giving off, but how they’re so tall and lanky it seems as if they float instead of walking or standing. I try to shake off the eerie feeling, but it just won’t leave.

 _“It’s alright kids, don’t worry about it.”_ I go to pat the shoulder of the twin to my right but I’m interrupted by a much softer and slightly higher pitched voice, still matching the tone and echo of the first twin.

 _“I wouldn’t suggest that. Ezekiel doesn’t like it when people touch him near his neck.”_ I look to my left and it’s the second twin speaking this time, his head still hung low. Just to test this theory, I inch my hand closer to the first twin’s shoulder and before I know it his hand is clutching my wrist tightly.

 _“Elijah told you not to do that. I don’t know you, so therefor I won’t hurt you...yet.”_ He lets go of my wrist, letting my arm drop to my side. I don’t know these kids, but I’ll sure as hell not try either of them again this summer.

* * *

      A few more hours pass by and members of the family slowly trickle into the house with the 6 kids running around and doing shit that I could really care less about considering my sister Giovanna and my little brother Joseph are about to get into another fight. I hear the both of them yelling at each other in the of empty rooms on the 2nd floor in my house, and I rush up there as fast as I can when I hear somebody hit one of the walls. I get up to the room and practically rip the door of the hinges to see Giovanna laying in the wall to my left, covered in drywall and writhing around in pain.

     _“Joseph, what the fuck did you do?!”_ I yet at him, a worried but stern tone in my voice. This needs to stop happening at family functions all of us go to...

     Jojo is the shortest of all of us, measuring out at just 6’3” compared to Giovanna’s 6’7”. The fact that he managed to get Giovanna on the ground is a feat of strength in itself considering Giovanna can and has knocked out our 7 foot tall, 450 pound and muscular father before.

    _“You know I can’t stand it when Giovanna try to hit on me! You know she do this shit whenever we got a family function, I don’t know why you let her come.”_ He screams at me, his voice having more bass than I remembered it to have last time I saw him.

     I take a deep breath and calm myself, trying not to smack the shit out of him for yelling at me. It’s mom’s job anyway.

 _“I let her come over because she was going to be here anyway, and you know what mom says whenever Giovanna isn’t at a family function. I’m not tryna hear it this year. Second of all, I’m actually tryna be cordial unlike your petty ass!”_ I yell at him, my anger bubbling up and making him seem small and almost childish.

  _“I’m sorry Angie... I’ll try to get along with her this time around but if she try me one more damn time I’m kickin’ her ass.”_ Joseph growls and turns to walk away from Giovanna who is getting up from the carpeted floor. I see her reach for the bottom of his jeans and before I can warn him, he’s on the floor with Giovanna on top of him and handing out that beat down that was bound to happen.

     I can’t help but to cringe when I see blood on my white carpet, and I walk over to try and break the two of them up. It takes a lot of effort since Giovanna is nearly 400 pounds of brute strength when she’s this angry. I manage to pull her off of Jojo whose nose is broken again like last Christmas and his lord knows what his chest and stomach look like right now.

     I push Giovanna out of the room before Jojo can even attempt at getting up and trying to beat her face in. I help Joseph up from his spot on the now somewhat bloody carpet and help him down to the kitchen to give him a few painkillers that I keep down there until Angel’s father gets here from his mother’s house in Buffalo.

 _“Angieee, are you sure you can’t wait until mom and dad get here to take me to the hospital?”_ Jojo whines softly as I toss a relatively old hand towel at him to keep his nose from dripping any more than it already has. 

 _“I’m pretty fucking sure I can’t wait because once mom and dad get here, we’re stuck here until they leave. You know how mom already hates going out of her way after she’s already gotten somewhere.”_ The moment I finish my sentence, I hear what I’ve grown accustomed to as a metal guitar riff and Manny’s signature scream. It’s going to be a long 4th of July.


	7. The Afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angel and her mother are nowhere near being on the road to reconciling but both of them make attempts to get along after what happened earlier that day. After a long flight to San Diego, Angel and Tré spend the day together doing things friends do like hanging out. Will Angel finally confess her feelings for him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BY GOD DID THIS TAKE FOREVER.   
> I hope yall enjoy this, it took several months and repeatedly deleting everything I had written for me to finish this. I wrote this while listening to a lot of Lana Del Rey, especially when I was writing the last few scenes of Angel and Tré.

          A few hours pass as the planned departure for my flight creeps ever closer. I wake up from a deep sleep, taking it as a sign that I had passed out almost immediately after what happened with my mother. I groan in pain as I make an attempt to sit up, a sharp pain shooting through my back and internal organs. My sheets are still somewhat sticky from the aftermath of this morning’s incident. I manage to pull myself upright by using my bedside table to aide in it. I look around my room to see sunlight bleeding in through the windows across from my bed, the pigeons and feral cats outside practically screaming. The ash grey cat from outside sits in the rays of sun on the windowsill, yawning and stretching.

 

         My phone starts vibrating wildly, Tré’s skype icon on the screen. I pick up my phone and answer his call, only to hear his high pitched scream into the mic as I hear a thud on his end. 

 

 _“Fuck, I dropped my phone again… Sorry for screaming into the mic like that, Angel.”_ Tré’s voice is one I will never get over. It’s deep and demanding, almost on the vocal level of that of a grown man but still retaining some childish traits like being really high when he screams. 

 

_         “It’s alright Tré, don’t worry about it.” _ I say to him, trying to sound as forgiving and happy as I normally do. He huffs so hard on the other side that I can practically hear him rolling his eyes. He’s quite the sass king when he wants to be.

 

_          “Come on Angel, you know I hate it when my voice peaks like that. Besides, you don’t sound so good…” _ I freeze in my mental tracks, caught off guard by his statement. I can’t tell him what happened yet. I have to tell him face to face so he can’t worry himself sick until I land in San Diego.

_         “Look, I’ll tell you what happened when I get to San Diego if you promise not to tell your mom or Manny.” _ I can already feel tears brimming at the corners of my eyes, threatening to fall down my face. I take a deep breath and try to calm myself, gathering my thoughts as I do so so I’m not a dead giveaway to him.

 

_         “You pinkie promise?” _ Tré asks me, his voice peaking again before returning to normal. Tré always has asked me to pinkie promise him I was okay since we were kids, even though we’re on opposite sides of the country. 

 

_        “I pinkie promise I’ll tell you when I get to San Diego.” _ I roll my eyes and laugh, my bleek day becoming slightly better than it once was. 

 

_       “Good. That’s the Angel I know and love! I mean know, I don’t love you like that, I love you like a friend not like a date or anything! I think my mom is calling me so I gotta go now, I’ll call you back later Angel so bye!” _ Tre is near hysterics by the time he manages to end the call, which isn't unlike him but its a bit strange to the outsider. 

 

       I slowly pull myself up from my bed, everything from the waist down is in a constant throbbing pain but I manage to power through it to stand up. I hobble around my room, picking up the things I need for my shower and manage to get my outfit together for the flight later on today. Once I get all my clothes together and such, I walk out of my room and downstairs to the bathroom. As I walk down the hall leading to the bathroom, I run into my mother quite literally. 

 

_        “Angel, make sure you watch where you’re going. Don’t want another accident now don’t we?” _ She says aggressively in a growling tone, purposely pushing me out of her way as she walks down the hall towards her study. 

 

        I grip my things in my arms harder, trying to keep myself composed as the events of this morning once again come back in a tsunami of emotions that I can’t quite express any other way than bawling like a child. I come across the massive oak door leading to the bathroom and open it, walking in and closing it behind me. The bathroom is large, the baseboards and floors being made of dark green marble while the walls and ceiling are made of white marble to make a striking contrast against each other. I set my things down on the white marble bench closest to the glass shower enclosure, turning the rose gold colored knobs to set the temperature of the water. 

 

        I strip out of my clothes as slowly and gently as I can manage, taking special care when I have to pull down my basketball shorts and panties from my sore lower body. I shudder as I feel my mother’s once warm come run down my legs as it leaks from my violated asshole. My stomach lurches as my mind wanders to the resounding thought that maybe I actually deserved to have her force herself on me like that. I shake the intrusive thoughts out of my mind, pulling my t-shirt over my head and throwing it in the pile with my basketball shorts and panties. I make sure to put my long black hair in a bun before getting into the shower to keep my hair out of my face.

 

        I step into the warm shower enclosure and sit in on the red marble floor underneath the showerhead, sitting there with my head in my hands. All of my emotions hit me at once, the reality and severity of the situation finally starting to sink in. At first it was just me being upset at the fact that I even thought I wanted my mother to give me that kind of attention because I never got any regular attention from her as a kid. This time around it’s a mixture of anxiousness, anger, and depression that bombard me and break me down to my current state of being. 

 

        I start bawling like a child as I realize that I was broken from the start, not given a chance at forming the slightest of a relationship with my mother because she was always busy with work. Even then it was always my grandparents, Hugo and Zari that took care of my brother Angelo and I. When they weren’t able to take care of us, my mom’s last resort was taking us to the office with her and leaving us in the care of Portia, who happens to be my mother’s right hand woman. Until my brother and I were 12 and able to watch each other, it had always been other people watching over us. My mother failed me and my brother. 

 

       My warm body trembles in rage, confusion and hurt. I slowly stand up from the now warm and wet red marble tiles of the shower and plant my hands against the green marble wall. I pound my fists against the wall as a scream of pure rage tears from my throat mixed in with pleads for my mother to love me like she’s supposed to as a mother, not whatever the hell happened this morning. I scream and yell while pounding away at the wall for lord knows how long when I hear the door to the bathroom slam open. I look up with tears pouring from my eyes and body trembling from the emotional strain its been put under in such a short amount of time to see my mother standing in the door frame with tears in her eyes too.

 

_       “What the fuck do you want with me now?”  _ My voice is strained to a whisper from how shredded my vocal cords are from screaming. 

 

_        “I-I wanted to apologize. For what happened this morning and whatever the hell I did to you as a kid. I’m sorry. I wish I could have been there for you and Angelo more as you two were growing up but your father and I were struggling to go to college at the same time. I regret doing so much to you that you didn’t deserve.”  _ My mother starts sobbing, her regret and guilty visibly wracking her body as she trembles. I understand she had to do what she needed to make sure she could have a future not only for herself, but for my brother and I. I still can’t help but to feel like I was abandoned by her. 

 

_        “I wish I could take it all back so wouldn’t be here in this situation, so you wouldn’t be haunted by the fact that I fucking raped you! God dammit! I’m just like that monster of an older sister of mine!...fuck.” _ My mother begins to cry even harder than she was before, looking as if she just might collapse. I feel a coil of pity twists itself around in my stomach, conflicting with my resentment towards my mother even still for what she did this morning. 

 

      The pain of regret and guilt are bright in my mother’s green eyes, years of emotional despair evident in them as she cries. I sigh as I open the door to the shower enclosure and step out, picking up my clothes and putting them on. I stand in front of my mother as she sobs, hesitant of if I should at least attempt to comfort her. My hand shakes as I put it on her shoulder, trying to comfort the lumbering giant now on her knees. I take a deep breath as I try and calm myself as an attempt to keep from crying in sympathy. 

 

_      “Look, I know you’re broken. I’m broken too mother. Yeah, it may be because of you but I know you didn’t mean for me to end out like this. I may or may not forgive you in the long run once I have my emotions sorted out but as of right now we’re on good terms.” _  I kneel down onto the cool, wet dark green marble floor and wrap my arms around her as best as I can. The hug seems to make her calm down at least a little bit in the midst of both of our emotions going in overdrive. Her cries and sobs die down to a few sniffles here and there between pleads for forgiveness. 

 

_      “I can’t believe you’re actually going to try and forgive me. Maybe you didn’t turn out so bad after all…” _ My mother chuckles as her long curly black hair sticks to her tear stained face, effectively hiding the intense red blush running across her caramel colored cheeks. She wraps her long arms around my torso, trapping me in a bear hug so tight I’m wheezing in order to breathe. 

_      “Let me go please.” _ I cough and wheeze as my mother unwraps her long, muscular arms from my torso. I pull away from her and take a deep breath to get my bearings back in order after nearly having the life hugged out of me.

 

_     “Now that we have this somewhat settled, let’s get you on that plane to go see your friends!” _ The much taller woman proclaims half heartedly as she gathers all the hair from her face and puts it up into a loose ponytail. 

 

    My mother’s attitude has went from being depressive to cheerful as if nothing happened in the past thirty minutes or so. At least she’s back to normal-ish. As much as I would hate to admit it, I don’t like seeing my mother cry because it brings me to tears too. My mother walks out of the bathroom, with me following after her only to part our separate ways in the hall.

 

    I go back to my room and gather my few carry on bags, attempting to shoo away the feral cat that’s still sitting on the covers of my bed. The grey cat meows angrily and furiously rolls over onto my bookbag, thoroughly trapping it under its fluffy, ash gray body.  I open my closet and look for the old cat carrier that I haven’t used for the local stray kittens in almost 2 years. Thank god I kept it clean though. I open the carrier’s door, stuffing in some of my old blankets I had sewn together in my early teen years. The cat perks its head up from my bed as I set the carrier on the floor, backing away from it.

 

    The grey cat hops off my bookbag and onto my purple carpeted floor, slowly closing the distance between it and the cat carrier. The feline taps its paws at the multiple cotton blankets cautiously, sticking its head in a few times before trotting in and curling into the blankets and meowing in content. I close the small metal bar door and lock it shut, picking up the carrier by the handle on the top. I put the cat down onto my bed, picking up my multi-pastel colored bookbag and throwing it onto my back. I pick up the cat carrier again, walking out of my room and heading downstairs to the living room where I assume my mother is waiting for me after loading up the SUV.

 

_     “Why do you have a cat carrier?” _ My mother looks up from her phone and quirks an eyebrow in curiosity. I set the carrier on the plush, blood red carpet of the living room and the cat I’ve now named Leon, mews softly. The older woman glances between me and Leon as he meows.

 

_     “You plan on taking a stray with you? All the way to California? For a month?” _ Her green eyes glint with a mixture of concern and tiredness as I awkwardly stand in front of her, waiting for a response. There’s an anxious ridden silence before she finally answers.

 

_     “Alright. As long as you get its shots done while you’re there, you can keep it.”  _ My mother rolls her eyes and heads for the large dark brown oak front door, opening it and leaning against it.

    I pick up the cat carrier and walk outside to my mom’s silver suv and get into the passenger side with my bookbag on the floor and the cat carrier on my lap, waiting for her as she closes and locks the front door to our house. She walks over to the car, opening the driver’s side door and getting in. 

 

_     “Are you sure you still want to go to California? Your grandparents said they're free if you want to stay with them.”  _ The lighter woman suggests in a hesitant tone as she starts up the car.

 

_       “I’m sure I still want to go since I won’t see Tré until almost the middle of the summer.”  _ I glance over at my mother and she’s looking even more guilty and sorry for herself than she did when we were in the bathroom earlier. I huff and groan in both pain and anger.

 

_       “I know you still probably feel bad for what you did, but stop being so fucking pitiful about it. You look like a bitch and sound like one too. If you really wanted for me to genuinely accept your apology, you could at least tell me why you did it to begin with when both of us get back.” _ My mother’s face visibly drains of all color and she’s the complexion of raw pie crust as I insult her. I don’t think anybody, even Auntie Giovanna, have called her a bitch before in this context. My mother fumbles for the gear shift and puts the car in drive, pulling out of the driveway and speeds into the city.

 

_       “I’d never thought it would take my own kid telling me to stop being a bitch to sober me up. I can’t even be mad at you because its true. I promise that when the both of us get back, I’ll tell you everything. But it seems like I have raised you right since you told me off just now and I’m impressed!”  _ Her voice cracks from time to time as she speaks, making me chuckle at the fact that she’s so flustered over me calling her out on her bullshit. We continue to speed through the streets of New York to the best of traffic’s ability which actually makes for a fairly swift trip to JFK Airport. 

 

      The next few hours in the airport with the taller woman are awkward to say the least after I put her in her place. She doesn’t bother in trying to apologize but instead we hold uncomfortably silent conversations about things like how school is going for me. Between the suffocating quietness and the deafening bustle of the airport, its clear neither of us can focus on even attempting to talk to each other. 

 

      My flight finally touches down and I wave my mother goodbye before heading off to the gate. Once I’m on the plane and settled in my seat, I get a text from Tré showcasing his newly pastel pink cornrows with Manny in the background shredding away on his guitar while headbanging.Only those two wiould send me a video like this! I snort at the antics going on in the video and text tre back that she should stick with pastels since they suit him well, adding in that Manny should dye his hair too the next time Tré does his own hair. Before I can get a text back, its already time for take off. I go through the motions like the rest of the passengers, turning off my phone and whatnot. About an hour into the flight, I start to drift off to sleep. 

 

    I wake up halfway through the flight in a cold sweat over the anxious environment of my dreamworld. Even though I’ve had feelings for Tré for the past 3 years, I’ve felt like I could never admit that to him because we’ve been friends for literally our entire lives. Hell, one of my major fears other than heights is the fear that he’s going to reject me if I ask him out but I’ve got to at least tell him how I feel when I touch down in San Diego. I put my mind at ease long enough to drift back asleep for the rest of the flight.

 

     I wake up again as the plane is touching down in San Diego International Airport, looking out the window to see the sun still rising through the sky unlike how sunny and warm New York was when I left that afternoon. The voice of the pilot comes over the intercom and tells the passengers that we’ve landed in San Diego and to have a nice morning. 

 

      I shift around in my seat, anxious to get off of the plane soon so I can see Tré already and let some things off my chest. The plane finally comes to a stop at the gates and the door opens to the warm California sunrise and I start getting my bookbag together. I throw my bag onto my back and walk down the stairs, the sunlight peeking over the blood red horizon. I make my way into the terminal alongside the other passengers, heading towards the Starbucks closest to the front of the terminal where Tré told me he and our respective mother’s long time friend and business partner, Portia would be waiting for me. 

 

      It doesn’t take much for me to see Portia’s pale, smiling face and bright orange hair through the fairly dense crowd. Being as short as I am, I almost get lost in the crowd of people before I feel a pair of arms encircle me in a hug and lift me off the ground. I look up to see Tré’s adorable, dorky, smiling face. He puts me down almost as fast as he picked me up.

 

      I take a moment to take it all in, the scenery, the time, everything. I haven’t been in San Diego in over a year and Tré has changed a lot since I’ve last seen him. He’s still as handsome as ever with his goofy smile and waist length electric blue faux dreads. Tré’s also gotten taller considering he was just barely touching 6 foot 1 last year, leaving me to assume he’s shot up another 3 inches. The last time I was in San Diego was for his 16th birthday and the day of his top surgery all on the same day last July. 

 

     Portia on the other hand, I haven’t seen her since I started high school. She’s still as tall as ever even without her heels on, being a dizzying 6’9” compared to my tiny self standing at 5’1”. Her hair mostly looks the same fiery shade of orange with an exception of a thick streak of white hair to the left side of her head. The amazon of an irish woman bends down to pinch my cheeks and gush over how much (little) I’ve grown in the past near 4 years.

 

_      “You’ve grown into such a beautiful young woman Angel, it’s so good to see you again!”  _ Her voice is thick with her Irish accent as she wraps her around me in a tight hug, her Metallica t-shirt vaguely smelling like cherry blossoms and peaches as I sink into her hug. She lets go of me and pats me on the head as if I were a kid again.

_       “Let’s go get your bags before somebody else claims them.” _ Portia stands up again, towering over Tré and I as the two of us follow behind her to the baggage claim area.

 

       It doesn’t take long to get there much to my surprise, maybe being 3 minutes at most. Tré stands at the conveyor belt with me as Portia goes off somewhere to flirt with one of many people waiting for their bags. The air between us awkward to say the least but that doesn’t stop Tré from trying to make it less so.

 

_        “My mom suggested you should come with us to Jamaica next summer so you can meet my grandparents. I talk about you a lot when I talk to them and they’re glad I have a best friend like you, so they kinda wanna meet you.” _  His adorable face turns a dark shade of red as he wrings his fingers along the bottom hem of his space cat tank top.

 

       “I wouldn’t mind going with you Tré, you know I’ve always wanted to go anyway.” I smile at him and his face turns a blood red as he blushes wildly like the absolute dork he is. I see my bags come around the bend of the conveyor belt and Tré helps me get them. Once all 3 of my suitcases are off the belt, we go and sit down and wait for Portia to come back. The both of us sit in near skin crawling silence for what feels like an eternity until he starts to say something.

 

       “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while Angel and I figured I’d tell you now since I probably won’t see you until next summer so here it goes.” Tré is cut off by Portia finally appearing and sitting in the seat next to him as she holds Leon’s cat carrier.

 

_      “I found yer cat for ya Angel, you two almost missed the poor fella. Now, let’s get you two and the kittie here to back to Tré’s place.” _ The tall redhead pats him on the back so hard that I can hear it as he wheezes in pain. Portia gets up from her seat next to Tré and waits for the both of us to follow.

 

    Tré looks disappointed and hurt that he didn’t have the chance to tell me what he wanted me to know. I can’t help but to feel pity and curiosity for him as he gets up from his seat with a disappointed expression on his face. It makes me wonder what was so important and heavy on his mind that he wanted to tell me now. The three of us walk in silence out of the flight terminal and out to the parking lot where Portia’s SUV is parked.

 

    Her and Tré help me put my bags into the back, leaving Leon for me to carry on my lap during the ride to Tré’s house. Tré and I sit in the backseat together, uncomfortable silence suffocating the air of the truck. It feels like eons before the silence is broken by Leon meowing alongside Portia asking us questions.

 

_     “What are the both of you so sullen for eh? I was expectin’ the two of ya to be all over each other gabbin’ about how much you missed each other.” _ The redheaded woman glares at the both of us in her mirror for a few seconds before giving up on getting an answer out of the both of us.

The drive to his house only takes 15 minutes like usual, the afternoon sun starting to rise high into the sky. Portia pulls up in front of Tré’s house, the mid-sized reddish-orange house practically glowing as the sun beats down on it. I glance at the clock on Portia’s dashboard as I get out of the car, it reads 1:30PM.

 

_      ‘That means Tré’s parents won’t be home until almost 7 tonight which gives me time to work up the courage to tell him-’ _ I’m jolted out of my train of thought by the sound of Portia slamming the trunk door closed. I look up to see Tré is already up the driveway at the front door, taking one of my suitcases and my bookbag into the house. 

 

     Portia manages to carry my other two suitcases into the house as I follow behind her, shutting the door behind me as she heads upstairs to where Tré’s bedroom and the 2 guest bedrooms are located as well as his art studio. Portia tells the both of us goodbye and to call her if we need her before Tré’s parents get home later. We mutter our goodbyes and nod at her as she heads back down the stairs and eventually out the door.

 

    Tré and I awkwardly stand in his room, unsure of what to do with ourselves now that we’re alone again. Leon’s meows and scratches at his cat carrier door draws both of our attentions to him. Tré is the faster out of the two of us and leans down onto his carpeted bedroom floor to open the cat carrier and reaching inside, picking up Leon and holding him in his arms. Tré looks so god damned cute with an animal in his arms and it makes me wonder how it would look if he were holding me instead…

 

_     “...So where did you find this little guy Angel?” _ Tré asks me as he smiles, watching Leon yawn and nuzzle his head into the tall boy’s chest. 

 

_    “Right outside my bedroom window meowing up a storm so loud that it woke me up!” _ I giggle as I step forward to pet Leon as he dozes off in Tré’s arms. 

 

_     “He seems like the kind to wake people up judging from how fussy he was in cat carrier while we were getting your bags in the house.” _ Tré places Leon gently back in his cat carrier and closes the door, picking it up.

 

_     “We should probably let him have a room to himself while you’re here at least.” _ I follow the blue haired boy out of his room and down the hall to one of the unfurnished bedrooms on the floor. He puts down Leon and walks over to the closet in the far right corner of the medium sized room and opens the black double sliding doors, pulling out his old cat’s toys. The blue haired boy drags out a few cat towers and a litter box too. 

 

_      “I didn’t know you still had Diva’s old stuff! I thought she got too old for the cat towers by the time she passed.” _ I look at him quizzically, wondering why he still kept his dead cat’s things.

 

_      “I keep em around for when Manny brings his kitten, Seven, over while we write songs and hang out.” _ He smiles that bright, beautiful, joyful smile at me and I nearly melt on the spot from him being so heartbreakingly adorable. Tré bends over to open the cat carrier again, leaving the door open for whenever Leon wakes up.

 

_      “Sooo, do you wanna go and get some food or something? I’m guessing you’re hungry after your flight.” _ Tré asks me softly, seeming unsure of even asking me in the first place.

 

_      “Of course I’m hungry you dork! I was so excited this morning that I forgot to eat, you know how I get when I’m excited for something.” _ I beam at him as I grab his hand, making him go pink in the face as I continue to hold it.

 

_     “I work at an ice cream shop not too far from here, if you wanna grab one of my old boards and go with me that is.” _ Tré manages to wiggle his hand out of mine and wrings it in the hem of his tank top like he does when he’s nervous or unsure of himself.

 

_     “I haven’t been on a skateboard since the first snow melted back home in March but it’ll be good to be on one again, especially since its with you instead of my cousins. You know how they can be sometimes…” _ I roll my eyes at my own mention of my cousins considering all they ever do is bother me when we’re all together.

 

    _“Maybe I can teach you some more tricks while we’re out today then! I learned a few that are more for park skating but I think you can catch on pretty quickly.”_ Tré winks at me and I can’t help but to let out a squeak as my face quickly heats up because of how beautiful and sweet this boy is sometimes. 

 

     I calm myself down to the best of my ability and get my shit together as the both of us make our way back downstairs to one of the side rooms containing all the bikes, surfboards, longboards, and skateboards in the house. He takes out one of the longer skateboards out for himself and hands me one of the smaller boards. I run back upstairs to change into my black board shorts, tye dye cat tank top, and sneakers as Tré pack up one of his bookbags. The taller boy pats down his pockets to make sure he has his wallet, keys, and his phone before we leave the house to make sure we don’t get locked out again like last time. 

 

    We leave the house and he makes sure to lock the door behind us as he always does. The brutal afternoon sun is beautiful in all of its destruction, making the far off mountains and desert pop with a sharp contrast of a light gray and a devilish orange-red. Tré and I speed away from the house and make it to the end of the short street, waiting for a few cars to go by before the coast is clear to go again.

 

    The various houses, blue sky, cars, bustling clusters of people, and eventually the world all melts away as Tré and I drift through the side streets of his neighborhood, leaving only the two of us. I love him too much for my own good sometimes and it makes me wonder;  _ ‘Does he love me too?’  _ I’ve known him my entire life, almost always being there for all of his birthdays and other big events and he’s been there for most  of mine. I reflect back on all the memories I have of the both of us together. Its surreal for how long we’ve come along since we were kids just running around in the summer sun and giggling together to him coming out as trans to me and having to hold him in my arms as I told him I would always be there for him.

 

     He slows down on his board and coasts next to me, smiling brightly as the sun shines down on the both of us. I can’t help but to smile back at him, feeling euphoric just from being around him. He takes my hand in his as we round a corner, gradually slowing down some more until we come to a complete stop in front of a small ice cream shop on the dead-end, formerly flourishing neighborhood from an era long forgotten.

 

     The brown, chubby, round faced boy standing the window of the shop waves at the both of us as we walk up to the small shack. Tré introduces me to him, telling me his name is Garret and that he knows him from school. The two boys hold a short conversation until Garret asks the both of us what we want, telling us that anything is on the house since his father went into town to get some things.Tré gets a cookie dough sundae like he always gets whenever we  _ do _ go out for ice cream back in the city. I get a chocolate and sprinkle covered cone of toffee and mocha ice cream since its something new that I’ve never had before.

 

    The portions are stupidly huge, Tré’s sundae being the size of his head and my cone having to be upside down in an insulated bowl to keep it from melting too fast. We sit at one of the scattered picnic tables underneath a massive tree and dig into our ice cream, an hour or two going by before either of us manage to finish our portions. Tré glances at his watch, noticing that its been longer than two hours, the clock on both of our phones reading 7:50PM which means we’ve been gone for almost 6 hours.

 

    We know neither of his parents will be home soon but we both agree to head back there anyway so we can watch the sunset from the roof. The both of us say our goodbyes to Garret and thank him for the ice cream as we being to skate away. The sky is already starting to melt together in beautiful hues of pinks, blues, oranges, and reds as the sun slowly descends through the heavens. The ride through the empty streets is almost mesmerizing as the glow of the streetlights mixes with the ever intensifying shades of the sunset, creating a dreamland filled with colors and him.

     

    Everything melts away again as coast, making me feel as if I were flying through the evening skies with Tré, a nostalgic phantom ghosting between this reality and another life we had lived before. I continue to float through space for what I can only call an eternity until we finally make it back to the house.

 

    Tré opens the door, letting the both of us inside before closing it behind me. We leave our boards in the living room and head upstairs towards the attic that has a skylight that opens onto the roof. He helps me climb through it, shutting it behind me as well. The both of us sit on the roof, watching the sun meet the earth like two long time lovers once separated long ago. There’s an extensive silence between us before either one of us speaks.

 

   Tré raises one of his eyebrows and goes red in the face, not daring to look away from me. His brown eyes are sparkling with expectation and curiosity, making the situation more intense than it probably needs to be.

 

_    “I mean, I had something to say too while we were at the airport today but I got cut off ya know. If you wanna go first go right ahead since it seems like its more important than what I’ve gotta say anyway.” _ I glance between his strong gaze and the ever lowering sun, trying to give myself enough time to get my nerves back into order.

 

    I feel my arms and legs shaking as a sick feeling settles in my stomach but I manage to stutter past it.  _ “I-I’ve been feeling this way for a few years now but, Tré, I love you.” _

 

    We sit there in silence for a few moments before Tré breaks down in tears, throwing his arms around me and holding me in a bear hug as he sobs.  _ “I love you too Angel.” _ He whispers to me and I start to cry too. We hold each other and sob into each other’s shoulders for a while before pulling apart. The fire in his eyes is still there, burning brighter than before and furiously roaring with love and passion. 

 

_    “You wanna kiss or something like that?” _ He asks me in the dorkiest way possible, causing me to giggle at how much a nerd he can be sometimes. I throw my arms around his neck as best as I can manage and pull him in, pressing my lips against his. He kisses me back almost immediately, the both of us smiling as we pulls our faces apart.

 

_    “I wonder how our families are going to react to the news that we’re dating now.” _ I snort at my own statement, knowing that both of my parents are going to be relieved that I finally fessed up to loving Tré.

 

_“All I know is that your mom owes my mom a hundred bucks.”_ Tré winks at me and the both us laugh, watching as the sky gradually becomes filled with bright stars. Tré and I sit close to each other, talking about how beautiful the night sky is for a bit longer before going back into the house.

 

    We separate only to get changed into our pajamas for the night, staying up until almost 2am watching videos and talking to each other. I’m glad I’ve had him around my whole life, I’m ecstatic that I’ve finally gotten my love for him through, and most of all I’m lucky to have him.


End file.
